Things to Do in Madrid Like a Local (Not a Guiri)

So you’re going to Madrid.

Or maybe you’re already here. ¡Bienvenido!

And you want to do it right. Not the tourist version. Not the guiri version.

Here’s the thing about Madrid: the best things are not on any list. They’re in the streets, in the bars, in the conversations with strangers.

But let me give you a starting point. De nada.

First: What Is a “Guiri”?

Guiri (noun, plural: guiris) — A foreign tourist, usually spotted by: wearing too much sunscreen, looking at maps while walking, ordering sangría in a bar where no local would ever order sangría, or arriving to a restaurant at 7pm wondering why it’s empty.

The word is not offensive. It’s cariñoso. Affectionate. But it does imply: you don’t know the codes yet.

This post is here to help you with the codes.

Things to Do in Madrid Like a Local

Eat tapas. But the right ones.

Tapas para turistas is Destino Final — The Movie. You walk in, you overpay, you get sad food, you leave disappointed. No, gracias.

The real tapas are in La Latina, Malasaña, Lavapiés — and they’re often free with a drink. You order a caña (small beer), they bring you something to eat. Ask: “¿Qué tenéis de tapa?” and watch what happens.

Drink calimocho in a cutre bar.

Calimocho — red wine and Coca-Cola — sounds like something a teenager invented at a party. Because that’s exactly what it is. And it’s delicious. And deeply, authentically Spanish. Order it in Malasaña or Lavapiés and you’ll feel like a local en dos minutos.

Eat a bocadillo de calamares at Plaza Mayor.

A fried squid sandwich on a bread roll. That’s it. That’s the whole thing. In any other city, this would be unremarkable. In Madrid, it’s a classic. The bars around Plaza Mayor have been serving them for decades. Go. Eat. Appreciate.

Walk Gran Vía at your own pace.

Cross the pedestrian crossings slowly. Very slowly. The authentic Madrid experience includes taxis honking at you. Que honken. Bienvenido a la ciudad.

Order a caña in La Latina.

And receive una espuma gigante with one finger of actual beer. That’s normal. Don’t complain. Drink the foam. It’s part of the experience.

Eat churros at San Ginés at 5am.

Chocolatería San Ginés, next to Callao. Open since 1894. Literalmente. The best time to go is 5am, surrounded by drunk Madrileños, confused tourists, and people in evening wear who should definitely have gone home two hours ago. Get the churros con chocolate. Dip. Eat. Thank me later.

Learn the castizo accent.

The Madrid accent drops the “d” sound between vowels. Cansado becomes cansao. Madrid becomes MadriZ. Learn to say “Esto mola mazo, tronco” with total confidence and you’ll confuse everyone including yourself.

Go to El Retiro on a Sunday.

With nothing planned. Buy pipas (sunflower seeds) from a vendor and sit by the lake. Watch the boats. Watch the people. This is what Madrileños do when they’re not working. No hay prisa.

Go to El Prado. See Las Meninas. Leave.

Queue. Walk in. Go directly to Las Meninas. Look for exactly 2 minutes. Say: “Ok, hecho. ¿Nos vamos?” This is the Madrileño approach to their own museum.

Have brunch at Chicote.

One of the most iconic bars in Madrid — Calle Gran Vía, 12. Black-and-white photos of Ava Gardner, Lola Flores, bullfighters, la farándula. Order a cóctel de la casa and a tostada con tomate y jamón. In Spain, brunch is a concept that exists differently. But in Chicote, everything works. En su propio tiempo madrileño.

What NOT to Do (If You Want to Pass as a Local)

• Don’t arrive to a restaurant before 2pm for lunch or before 9pm for dinner. You’ll be alone.
• Don’t order a “Spanish omelette.” Order una tortilla de patatas and know whether you want it cuajada (well-cooked) or jugosa (runny).
• Don’t drink sangría unless you’ve accepted you’re in a tourist trap and you’ve made peace with that.
• Don’t expect anything to happen before 10am.
• Don’t say you’ve had tapas if all you had was patatas bravas from a place on Gran Vía.

The Real Secret to Madrid

The real secret to experiencing Madrid like a local is this: sin prisa. Without hurry.

Madrileños don’t rush. They have coffee that lasts an hour. Lunch that lasts two. Dinner that bleeds into midnight without anyone noticing.

The city gives you time. Use it.

De Madrid al cielo… o al infierno, depende de la calidad del vermut de garrafa.

---

Frequently Asked Questions

What do Madrileños actually do on weekends?

Madrileños spend weekends at El Retiro park (especially Sunday mornings with the Rastro market in La Latina), having long lunches with family, and sitting for hours in bars over coffee or wine. Sin prisa — without any rush. That’s the actual Madrid lifestyle.

What should tourists avoid in Madrid?

Don’t order sangría (tourist trap), don’t eat at restaurants before 2pm for lunch or 9pm for dinner (you’ll be alone and staff will be confused), and skip the paella — it’s a Valencian dish and most Madrid versions disappoint. Also: avoid any restaurant with photos on the menu near the main tourist sites.

What is a guiri in Spanish?

Guiri is a colloquial Spanish word for a foreign tourist, especially from Northern Europe or North America. It’s not offensive — actually quite affectionate — but it implies you don’t know the local codes yet. Eating dinner at 7pm, ordering sangría, and asking for ‘Spanish omelette’ are classic guiri moves.

What is calimocho?

Calimocho is a Spanish drink made of red wine and Coca-Cola, served over ice. It sounds terrible and tastes surprisingly good. It’s especially popular among young Madrileños in bars in Malasaña and Lavapiés. Order it without embarrassment — locals will approve.

— Monica Bernabe Perez