Free local guide · Secret Edition

Madrid without the bullshit.

Where madrileños actually eat, drink and hang out, the 30 secrets they tell after dos vinos, and the little bits of Spanish that turn you from tourist into guest.

Free PDF, opens right away. Plus a few emails with my Madrid stories. Adiós anytime.

No-Guiris Madrid Secret Edition guide cover

What’s inside

30 secrets & legendsA rhino on a street tile, a stone fish, a ghost metro station, the devil in the Retiro. With la Vikinga and Puri, the two voices in my head.

8 barriosSol, La Latina, Lavapiés, Malasaña, Gran Vía, Chueca, Retiro and Chamberí: the stories and where to go in each one.

The real barsThe ones with napkins on the floor (trust me, that’s a good sign). Croquetas, tortilla, vermut de grifo.

Spanish you’ll useA ready-made conversation for every stop: order churros, share tapas, bargain at El Rastro.

Walks & Ava’s routeA one-day walk, a Sunday treasure hunt, Prado + Retiro, and Ava Gardner’s Madrid. Clickable maps included.

Spanish SOSFor when the waiter talks fast and your brain goes blank at the barra.

Read a few secrets first: 30 secret places in Madrid · Malasaña · La Latina · Gran Vía · Retiro · Chamberí. The stories come from my novel, Una felación al día; when it goes on sale, this guide comes with it as an extra. For now, it’s free.

One little question changes your trip

¿Qué me recomiendas? → What do you recommend?
Say it once and suddenly someone is telling you about their favourite tortilla.

Hi, I’m Monica, your amiga from Madrid

I’m a bit rara. I collect anecdotes, strange traditions and the stories madrileños tell after dos vinos. I’ve been teaching Spanish to foreigners for more than ten years, so I know exactly which few phrases get you a real conversation instead of a menu in English.

Get the free guide →

Madrid rule: if you’re not elbow to elbow and stepping on napkins… you’re not really tapear-ing.

— Monica Bernabe Perez