Many English speakers feel it in their first days in Madrid: the waiter is quick, people just say “dame”, and nobody seems to say please. And many Spaniards in England feel the opposite: why say sorry and please twenty times to buy a coffee? Both are polite. They just use different tools.
5 things that sound rude but aren’t
1. The imperative
“Ponme un café” (put me a coffee) is the normal way to order in Spain. Not “Could I possibly have…”. The friendly tone does the work. If you want to be softer: “¿Me pones un café?”
2. Fewer “por favor” and “gracias”
Spaniards say them, just less often. Between friends and family, saying “gracias” for everything can even sound distant: “¿Gracias? ¡Que soy tu madre!”
3. Interrupting
Overlapping in a conversation means “I’m with you”. Silence can feel cold. So if someone interrupts you, it’s probably interest, not disrespect.
4. Calling for attention
“¡Oye!” (hey, listen) or “¡Perdona!” to call a waiter is normal. Waving and waiting silently for eye contact can take all night.
5. Personal comments
“¡Qué moreno estás!” (you’re so tanned!), “¿Has adelgazado?” (have you lost weight?). Spaniards comment on things English speakers keep to themselves. It’s usually meant as closeness.
How politeness really works in Spain
| Tool | Example |
|---|---|
| Always greet | “Hola, buenos días” when entering a shop or a lift |
| Diminutives | “Un momentito”, “un cafelito”, “una cosita” |
| Questions instead of orders | “¿Me pones…?”, “¿Me cobras?” |
| Warm closers | “Gracias, guapa”, “Hasta luego”, “Que vaya bien” |
| Two kisses | Dos besos when you meet people socially |
Phrases to be direct and friendly at the same time
- ¿Me pones una caña, porfa? Can I have a small beer, please?
- Perdona, ¿me cobras? Excuse me, can I pay?
- Oye, una pregunta… Hey, a question…
- ¿Te importa si…? Do you mind if…?
Related: tú or usted in Spain, tipping in Spain and how to order a beer in Spain.
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Are Spanish people rude?
No. Spanish communication is more direct than English. Politeness is shown through tone, greetings, diminutives and warmth rather than indirect phrases.
Is it rude to say “ponme” in Spain?
No. “Ponme una caña” is the normal way to order. “¿Me pones…?” is a softer option.
Why don’t Spaniards say please?
They do, but less often than English speakers. Tone and context carry the politeness.
Is interrupting rude in Spain?
Not usually. Overlapping in conversation shows interest and engagement.
What is considered rude in Spain?
Not greeting when you enter a shop or a lift, being cold or distant, and rushing people at the table.
— Monica Bernabe Perez
$20 symbolic price · 30 minutes · with Mónica
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