One of the first surprises for my students who learned Spanish in Mexico or Colombia: in Madrid, the waiter says “¿Qué te pongo?” (tú), not “¿Qué le pongo?” (usted). Nobody is being disrespectful. Spain simply moved towards tú decades ago.
When to use tú in Spain
- Friends, family, people your age or younger
- Waiters, bartenders, shop assistants (and they’ll use tú with you)
- Colleagues and, in most offices, your boss
- Teachers, in many schools and universities
- Social media, apps, adverts: brands talk to you with tú
When to use usted in Spain
- Older people you don’t know: “Perdone, señora, ¿sabe dónde está la parada?”
- Official settings: police, administration, a judge
- Formal written communication
- When the other person uses usted with you, mirror them
Spain vs Latin America
| Situation | Spain | Mexico / Colombia (general) |
|---|---|---|
| Waiter to customer | tú | usted (often) |
| Talking to your boss | tú (usually) | usted (often) |
| Stranger your age | tú | depends; usted is safer |
| Group of friends | vosotros | ustedes |
| Formal group | ustedes | ustedes |
In some places, like Colombia, people even use usted with family and partners. That’s why Spain sounds “too informal” to some Latin Americans, and Latin America sounds “very polite” to Spaniards. (More differences in Spain vs Mexico Spanish.)
How to switch politely
| Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| ¿Nos tuteamos? | Shall we use tú? |
| Puedes tutearme. | You can use tú with me. |
| Trátame de tú, por favor. | Please use tú with me. |
| ¡No me llames de usted, que me haces mayor! | Don’t call me usted, you’re making me feel old! (very common) |
Related: are Spaniards rude? (why Spanish sounds so direct) and do you need to learn vosotros?
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Is it rude to use tú with strangers in Spain?
No. Tú is the default in Spain with most people, including waiters and shop assistants. Use usted with older people you don’t know or in very formal settings.
Do Spaniards use usted?
Yes, but much less than Latin Americans: mainly with elderly strangers, officials and in formal writing.
Should I use tú or usted with my boss in Spain?
In most Spanish workplaces, tú. Follow what your colleagues do.
What does tutear mean?
To address someone with tú. “¿Nos tuteamos?” means “shall we use tú?”.
Is usted more polite?
It’s more formal, not necessarily more polite. In Spain, too much usted can sound distant.
— Monica Bernabe Perez
$20 symbolic price · 30 minutes · with Mónica
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